Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Stuck in neutral.

I don't know what it is about the past 2 weeks, but it seems as though motivation has not been my strong suit. While I was in NYC, I made a point of telling myself that when I returned home I would go full-bore into working towards my goal of becoming a full-time freelance writer by next year. I already started my course in proofreading, just had an article published in July, and I thought that at the very least, the thought of returning to this mindless excuse of a job would provide motivation enough. So why is it that these last 2 weeks have been among the least productive I have experienced for quite some time?

It is not as though I haven't been working towards that goal at all. It just seems that for the past two weeks I have been in a veritable fog, unable to motivate myself. I want to do this so badly, but for some reason the brick wall of "Who gives a fuck?" has reared its ugly head. I know this will pass, it always does. There is a conference I will be attending at the end of the month that is sponsored by a local professional writers organization that should lift my spirits. It is specifically geared towards building a freelance writing business, and will have presenters that I have read about that I have come to respect.

I know this may be part of my own insecurities, wondering if I am up to this task. I will be the first to admit that I never really had a great head for business, and there is a lot to absorb. I just want to be free of the yoke of working for someone else so very badly, and have control over what I earn, and how I earn it. I suppose I will just have to learn to push past this moment, and get back the drive that I know I have somewhere inside of me. I just want to be able to do it without grinding the clutch.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've probably gotten out of the wrong side of bed this morning, so please forgive my crassness. I have no problem with typos, new words, intentionally mangled words, but am a tad pedantic about basic grammar, despite having no clue as to where an apostrophe should be placed. But last para, 2nd sentence THERE is a lot to absorb.
Appreciate will probably be banned from site henceforward, but having done lots of proof-reading these things just jump out at me.

Mr. Nighttime said...

Anon-No worries, nice catch. I usually proof my own work, which, as anyone can tell you, is a far harder chore than most people think. I was writing this late at night, and sometimes my brain does not fire on all eight cylinders at 2 am. Thanks for the pick-up.

battlemaiden said...

I find that I am the most productive when I have achieved balance in all the other areas of my life as well. That means when things are going well with Ryan, when things are going well with my family and friends, when there's little drama at work and all the chores are done,etc., that's when my creativity really comes out in full force. It used to be exactly the opposite, but I like it better this way.

Dragonfly Dreaming said...

I blame it on male PMS. ;)

Mr. Nighttime said...

BM-The funny thing is, I seem to thrive on chaos, but like you, I am trying to seek balance.

Claudia - You would. ;-)

VioletSky said...

I sometimes find that, having made a monumental decision to finally act on something, I feel as if I have already accomplished part of the plan and can now rest, waiting for the next step.

Peter said...

I know that "Stuck in neutral" feeling, trust me.

Lately I've been wondering why I'm blogging: my passed post are not really special, but I have to push myself too to experience that 'yes, you can' feeling.

Anonymous said...

If you don't already know a neat trick when proof-reading your own work is to read it backwards - last sentence, penultimate sentence - that way the story doesn't make sense and you're not just thinking that things are spelt correctly just because your brain is expecting the next word.
j

Mr. Nighttime said...

J-Yep, I already know that trick. In this case, it wasn't so much of not knowing how to do it, but a matter of me being just too fucking tired. ;-)

Jay said...

Proof-reading our own work is the hardest proof-reading we ever do. I often miss things, and OH often misses things in his blog, too. Neither of us are bad at writing when it comes to basic grammer and spelling but these things happen.

As to creativity - that's just the opposite. You need to let go, and let rip. I find that incredibly hard to do at times, especially letting go to the extent of letting the words out without too much regard for grammar or spelling.

You have to do it though, in order to be creative, and sometimes it just isn't happening for you. No worries. You'll get past it. ;)