It's not about religion, it's about violence.

"Such evil deeds could religion prompt." Lucretius - Roman Epicurean poet and philosopher.

This past Sunday I had the opportunity to attend a staged reading of a play at a local community theatre (part of the local JCC - Jewish Community Center) that I have acted with in the past. They are not a typical community theatre in that they have professional production standards and is a wonderful place in which to act. They also have a play reading series throughout their regular season that is essentially a forum to test out certain plays that they may wish to develop as full productions at some point. Essentially, the actors are on stage with script-in-hand, minimal props or costumes, (or none at all) and minimal rehearsal time.

The play I witnessed was "The Women's Minyan" by Israeli playwright Naomi Ragen. I say witnessed, because one could not simply "watch" this piece performed without it stirring up such strong emotions. The audience becomes voyeur to the closed society of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community in Jerusalem, though in all honesty, this could have taken place in any ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, anywhere in the world. We peer into a closed society that brooks very little affinity for those who are not frum. We also see the cloak of religion being used to justify the brutal oppression of women in a society that, is supposed to hold women in high esteem.

Ultra-Orthodox Judaism is no different than any other patriarchal society. Men want to keep control over women, so they devise interpretations of religious texts in order to justify their positions. This play covers these points quite nicely, as it tells the story of Chana, a mother of 12 children caught in a 20-plus year abusive marriage. It is not just physical abuse that she endures, but emotional, psychological, and financial abuse as well.

Chana finally musters up the courage to leave her husband, and with the help of a close friend, is able to flee from her home. The price for this freedom is that she would need to leave her children behind, who range in age from teenagers to toddlers. She makes it her objective to not only secure a get - a religious divorce - but to also see her children again. This is not so easy in her world, as her husband, as well as other family members have effectively turned the children against Chana. The community as a whole has shunned her, abusing her with epithets that suggest she is not only a whore, but a pervert. It seems as though the community has come to the conclusion that she is a lesbian, as she sought refuge in the home of a female friend, and has been lving there ever since leaving her husband and family behind.

A minyan is religious term in Judaism that refers to a gathering of 10 men. This is the minimum that is needed in order to conduct such things as a public prayer service, most notably on Shabbos (Sabbath). There are also other functions that require the presence of a minyan, but they are too numerous to list.

The title of the play refers to the gathering of 10 women at Chana's home on the day she returns with an official order from the rabbinical court; she has been given permission to see her children. Her family however, is deeply divided. What follows is not only the exposure of the abuse that she suffered under her husband's thumb, but a stripping away of the veneer of family life in this very insular society.

I found myself seething by the end of the play, not only for what happened to Chana, but for the hypocrisy inherent in those that proclaim their piousness so loudly, only to use it as a disguise for their own ends. I witnessed this firsthand through the experience of working in Brooklyn all those years, right near the Hasidic community. I would often watch the throngs of men going to shul on Friday nights, or the occasional Saturday morning, dressed in their most somber religious garb. Pious men they were indeed - unless of course their own pleasure needed to be satisfied. This is why one would see these same pious, learned Talmudic scholars underneath the Willamsburg Bridge on a weeknight, haggling with the hookers as though they were purchasing jewelry on 52nd St. Never buy retail when you can get it wholesale.

There was a talk back session after the play, (which had several actor friends as part of the cast) and there were several women in the audience that bravely told their own stories of abuse and escape. It was also noted, and rightly so, that while Chana's situation is not necessarily endemic to the ultra-Orthodox community, it is certainly not infrequent either. What is endemic is the position of "blaming the victim," something that extends not only out to other fundamentalist religious sects, but even into our own secular society as well, though we have certainly seen a change in that in recent years.

This play however, was not about religion, but about violence perpetrated in the name of religion. Religion served in many ways as a back drop for a larger issue. It also served as a smokescreen for the denial on the part of those that simply had problems facing the reality of a horrific situation. If denial is after all, a God-given survival tool, most of the women in this play use it in spades.

People ask me why I turned away from my faith. This was part of the reason; not the abusive part of it, as it was not something I witnessed in my own home, but rather the hypocritical nature of what I witnessed in many situations. So often, we see those who proclaim their righteousness with such fervor, only to be poor examples of it themselves. I would rather live my life as an atheist, and do what good I can, than wear my religion on my sleeve while I cut off the other sleeve in the process.

More human than human.

As an actor, I can appreciate a good monologue. Just you up on stage or screen. There is a great story that Anthony Hopkins told of when he was a young actor at the Old Vic, understudying and acting alongside the great Sir Laurence Olivier. Olivier told Hopkins that when you are delivering a line, "You're the star of the show." Slightly puzzled, Hopkins asked, "Why?" "Well," replied Olivier, "You're the only one speaking at the time."

When Blade Runner first came out, it was derided by many as all special effects, and no substance. It was only until many years later that critics began to reverse that opinion and see the film for what it is: a flat out masterpiece, not only of sci-fi, but just in general It influenced so many things that came after it.

It also asks the central question; "What does it mean to be human?" Rutger Hauer's monologue near the end of the movie has been generally recognized as one of the most poignant moments ever placed on film. It also wasn't in the script. Hauer improvised the scene in his trailer, showed it to Ridley Scott, who wisely decided that it was better than what was in the script, so he let Hauer run with it. The result is pure magic:




Life, death, morality, ethics, spirituality, meaning, humanism, it is all covered in this movie. This one scene compresses so much of that into a magical moment.

This cut is from the most recent Blade Runner, "The Final Cut" (There are several versions of the movie - long story about that.) In the original theatrical release however, Harrison Ford ("Deckard") has a voice over for this scene, that was one of several in the movie. While many Blade Runner purists like myself don't really care for the voice overs', this one has stayed with me, and is the one I actually enjoy:

Deckard: "I don't know why he saved my life. Maybe in those last moments, he loved life more than he ever had before. Not just his life. Anybody's life. My life. All he wanted was the same answers the rest of us want. Where do I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die."

While sitting in my favorite coffee shop today, it started to rain hard outside, and this scene flashed into my head. Whenever I worked rainy summer nights in Brooklyn, it always reminded me of Blade Runner. Whenever I dealt with death, I thought of Roy Batty. (Hauer's character.)

When I dealt with my own death, I was Deckard. I don't know why I was spared, but then again, who does?

The best payback..........

In between coughing fits, I did find time to laugh hard......which then made the coughing worthwhile......The moral of the story below? Living well is the best revenge.
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All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'
80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:
'I outlived the bitches.'

Madness......

Not again.....Please not again..........

In my last post, I mentioned how Brooklyn had been eating itself alive in the time I spent there. This was from the mid 1980's to the mid 1990's. Crack had taken the entire city by the throat. During the summer months, you had a hard time distinguishing the gunshots from the firecrackers. In the summer of 1991 however, Crown Heights exploded with a wave of racial violence that pitted Jew vs. black, religion vs. race. This was a full year before the LA/Rodney King riots in, and while not on the same scale in terms of size, it was just as ugly. (The Wikipedia article is pretty good, and explains things well.)

Everyone was afraid that these riots would spread. If you worked EMS in that area during that time, you put large swaths of tape over the driver's side and passenger side windows of your ambulance if you had to respond to a call in there. If someone were to throw a projectile into them, the hope was that the tape would minimize the spray of glass particles. You just had to hope no one put something through the windshield.

When riding through Crown Heights back then, it was as if you stepped into a Czechoslovakian revolution. Riot police were everywhere, being taunted by Orthodox Jews and blacks alike. Madness had gripped Crown Heights; madness that was just as potent as the small white rocks that were smoked in glass pipes in alleyways and homes. The old prejudices of fear, religion and race were stoked, and the fires that blazed from the overturned cars and trashcans made you wonder if perhaps a mini-Armageddon was being witnessed.

Everyone was fair game. EMS, police, FDNY, what-have-you. An EMT unit from my station had a brick thrown through the driver's side window of their ambulance. ("Bus," in NYC-EMS vernacular.) The tape did its job, and the both of them escaped without injury. I got lucky, and nothing happened to me during that time, save for being screamed at by protesters when being escorted by police into a building on a call.

If there was any good that came out of the insanity of those days, it is that the Hasidic and black communities started talking to one another after the violence ended. It took a long time, but good relations were established, and it appears as if the report today of the Hasidic boy that was assaulted and robbed was the victim of a gang initiation as opposed to the start of a wider display of hatred. (At least, this is what the video report from NYC Ch. 2 would seem to suggest.)

I hope so. The very idea that the Heights would return to the old bigotries is not something I would like to hear about.

New: Then again, I might be wrong.... http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/26/crown.heights.ap/index.html

Am I missing something here?

I'm not quite sure what to make of this one.

I can certainly understand the need to protect parishioners, but it makes one wonder; how is this an example of Christian compassion? Certainly there had to be another solution than to take out a restraining order.

The Catholic church wonders why it is losing people in droves. This kind of behavior does not exactly help its image any.........

18

18. This number represents certain milestones. For someone my age, it represented being able to drink alcohol legally. It meant that I could sign (most) legal documents as an adult. It meant graduating high school and starting college.

For this woman, 18 represents quite a different milestone. She has 17 kids, and number 18 is in development.

She is 41 years old.

I have read certain things in history regarding women who would bear this many children. The results were often not pretty. Now granted, medical care has advanced greatly, and women can be closely monitored and cared for in such a way that reduces (but does not eliminate) their chances for a successful and healthy pregnancy. Still, being pregnant 18 times does give one pause for thought. Having one child can be hard. I can't imagine what having 17, and soon to be 18, can do to a woman physically. I helped deliver enough babies as a paramedic to see firsthand what women go through. However, as Robin Williams once said, if men want to experience childbirth firsthand, they should try passing a bowling ball through their ass.

Perhaps as A) I am not a woman, and B) My wife and I do not have kids, I am ill prepared to comment on this. However, it does pose an interesting question: Do women (and by in turn, couples) who chose to bear this many children face the same kind of stignma as couples that chose to have no children? I ask this as, for a great while, we would face a certain degree of scrutiny, my wife and I, over the fact that we made a conscious, well thought out decision not to have kids.

I would suspect that the same kind of decision making goes in the opposite way, with folks like Mrs. Duggar. At least I think it would. Reading the article however, I am not quite sure. There is a sense of them playing "roulette" in a way.

"She and her husband, Jim Bob Duggar, said they'll keep having children as long as God wills it."

I wonder when the time comes to stop wondering what God wills, and to start exercising that free will that we were supposedly endowed with. I don't fault them, or chastise them for their belief in God. I do wonder if they take into account the physical toll all this is having on her.

In the end I suppose it all comes down to their own personal choice, just as it was our own personal choice. I just wish how people would stop saying how life and marriage is not as fulfilled without having kids. We still hear that from time-to-time. Life and marriage is what you make of it, kids or no kids.

Then again, my wife is just happy she can keep the plants alive...........

Burn baby, burn

“We don’t do that! It’s a sin!”

If there is ever a sure fire way to piss off your mother, just bring up the topic of religion, or rather one’s own lack of it. (As in mine.) Of course, if you really want to get her knickers in a twist, (Is it even proper to say that about one’s mother?) try telling her that you are going to do something upon your death that goes completely against your religious upbringing, and hers for that matter.

My mother is not the most religious individual in the world either, but she does have a belief in God, and I do respect it. When it comes to the concept of cultural Judaism, well, that runs very deep in her. So, some time ago we stumbled on to the subject of burial customs, as in what to do with our bodies when the mortal coil has shuffled off to Buffalo. I think the only reason we were discussing it in the first place was because I had been hounding her about making some badly needed, long delayed changes in her will. Aside from the fact that if anything happened to her I would be doomed to living with an Aunt I am less than fond of, there are no provisions in it for what she wants to have gifted to her granddaughter. (my niece.) Besides, at my age I think going to live with my Aunt is not something she (meaning my Aunt) would want either.

As an offshoot of this conversation on probate, the subject of funerals came up, and I stupidly informed her that I did not plan to be buried in the ground, as is mandated by Jewish law, but that I plan on being cremated. It is a personal choice on my part, and one that reflects my own personal belief that I do not want anyone coming to my grave, year after year, (also a Jewish custom) and feeling depressed. I would rather that people have a big party, scatter my ashes over a yet to be determined place, and then remember me without the need to come to a depressing place.

Needless to say this did not sit well with her.

She knows full well that I am, in the strictest definition of the word, an atheist, though I do have a spiritual side. I just don’t believe in a personal God in the Judeo-Christian sense of the word. I would take it a step further; I do not believe in the idea that one is born Jewish, or born into any religion, for that matter. One might be raised in the tradition of one’s parent’s religious beliefs, but to me, the idea that parentage determines a child’s religious nature is ridiculous. In Jewish tradition, if the mother is Jewish, so is the child, no matter what religion (or lack thereof) the father is.

This has been a sore point of discussion over the last year or so, and it is something we generally avoid talking about. It got brought up again today, as she finally made these long overdue changes to the will, and she needed to tell me what was done, and whose responsibilities are whose, with regards to my brother and me. During the course of the conversation, funerals and burials came up again, and this time the cremation conversation really heated up a notch. I finally had to make it clear that as this was my body, I will decide what will, and will not be done to it upon my death. She finally realized that this was a fruitless discussion, and fell back on her safety net of “Well, I’ll probably be dead long before you anyway.”

I don’t expect her to understand, and I hope that it never comes to the point that she would need to actually see it happen, but my wife knows full well what my wishes are. At the end of the day, I know she will fulfill them, and I take comfort in that.

My only hope is that the urn doesn’t get spilled, and I avoid being Hoovered…………

Yo, Benny! Stay off da freakin' lawn!

(This post was inspired by Julia, who first broached the the subject. She is saving me a space at Starbucks in hell.)

Pope Benedict has come to the US on his first official visit as head of the Catholic church. If you are a follower of Catholicism, this is either a cause for celebration, or protest, or possibly both. It is no secret that the church in Rome has been getting a major headache from its American division. It seems that American independence and rebelliousness does not always sit well with the Holy See, and Benedict has come to mend some fences. (Or, possibly slap some of the faithful upside the head.) He is visiting the most famous house in the nation, but unlike most visiting dignitaries, he will need to keep off the grass.

Oh, the most famous house in the nation? Yankee Stadium, of course. The House That Ruth Built. (And that Steinbrenner is tearing down! Bastard!) He'll be at that other white house too, but who cares about that.....Besides, the hot dogs there probably aren't as good, and more expensive, though most likely not by much these days.

One has to wonder about this guy. He is, by all accounts, as strict as they come when it comes to Catholic doctrine, (as far as this defunct Jew understands the situation.) but, when it comes to the recent failings of the church in America, (pedophile scandal, etc.) he has not seemed, or given the appearance of, acting with a strong hand in response to these horrors perpetrated by his priests. Yes, he has expressed his "profound pain" as to these events, and one would like to believe him, but, as with the rest of the Catholic church, he is a political animal and will act as such.

Popes are like baseball team owners: The cardinals come in the form of managers, coaches are the bishops, players are the priests. (We won't discuss what the batboys are.) The flock? The fans. Now, if we use Steinbrenner (Another German? Hmm......) as an example, he is a decisive kinda guy. Maybe not likable, but decisive nonetheless. He makes a decision, and that is the end of it. (Though admittedly, the hiring, firing, and re-hiring of Billy Martin was a weak moment.) He expects results, and does not suffer fools gladly. He is also vocal, publicly, about what he expects from his managers, coaches, and players. Whether you agree with this approach or not, it does get results. (Mostly)

Benedict would do well to learn from this example regarding his priests. He should be out in the forefront of this scandal and denounce those priests who have perpetrated these acts on these kids. He should strip them of their abilities, and above all, he should turn them out of their orders and let the civil authorities deal with them as needed. He should be meeting with the victims of these crimes perpetrated by those he is in charge of, and show them directly how concerned he is for their suffering. (Breaking News: Benedict DID have an impromptu meeting with abuse victims today. Bully for him. This was the right thing to do.)

Then we have comments like this, which were reported today:

"He also reminded the prelates that religion cannot only be considered a "private matter'' without any bearing on public behavior.

The pontiff questioned how Catholics could ignore church teaching on sex, exploit or ignore the poor, or adopt positions contradiciting "the right to life of every human being from conception to natural death.''

"Any tendency to treat religion as a private matter must be resisted,'' he said."
(From 1010 WINS news, NYC)

Au contraire ye of the overflowing vestments. Religion is indeed a very private matter, especially when it involves civil matters. It is not the business of any religion to involve itself in matters of deep personal interest such as sex and control over one's body. Religion and faith involve matters of the spirit. He would do well to tend to his flock on these matters and leave the rest to civil authorities and individual conscience.

Perhaps, as I was not raised Catholic, I do not have as astute a view on these things as someone who was raised in that faith. Then again, at least Jews don't cut off men and women from that most basic of human needs, that being sex. I doubt you will see many celibate rabbis, even in the most orthodox of Jewish sects. It is one thing to make a personal decision to remain celibate as a personal act of faith. It is another to have it institutionalized as part of a religious order, to have it forced upon a person.

The Catholic church has lost many believers to other Christian denominations over the recent years, as well as other religions on the whole. Perhaps it is time for the church to do a little self-examination. You want to win the world Series? Sometimes, you need to change your strategy in order to get there..........

Found today: Benedict, in his speech at the Washington Nationals baseball stadium remarked that; ""Americans have always been a people of hope," he said. "Your ancestors came to this country with the experience of finding new freedom and opportunity."

Yes, but what he forgets is that they also came here to escape religious intolerance, something for which the Catholic Church does not exactly have a stellar track record.

Legally brunette.........

Easter is not a holiday that has any special meaning for me, as I was raised Jewish. While I had many friends from different religious persuasions, Easter did not have the significance for me that it did for my more devout Christian friends. I gave up being Jewish for Lent some time ago. Let's just say that for me, organized religion is something of a contradiction in terms. (There is nothing organized about it, IMHO) My wife, who was raised Catholic, also gave up on the church many moons ago for reasons similar to mine, but even more so due to the hypocrisy that she saw and heard over the course of many a Sunday mass.

So, here I am today at my in-laws place, as they are more devout in nature, and do celebrate Easter both in spirit and in food. The ham is delicious, as is everything else. (I've always wondered: Why ham on Easter? If someone could give me an answer to that, I would be forever grateful.) As Passover often falls close to, if not directly on Easter, in the past I would often find myself at relatives' houses indulging in foods that had no relation to anything that came from a pig, as this is somewhat frowned upon by those who are of the Hebrew persuasion.

Of more importance is that my niece's birthday was a few days ago, so the celebration was delayed until today, since there was a large family gathering for the holiday as well as her birthday. It is hard to believe that this little girl is not so little anymore.

She turned 21.......

She's also not one of these vacuous college students that seem to be everywhere today. She is majoring in psychology, and while this often stimulates active eye rolling in many when you first hear that, she is quite serious about this field. She seems to be leaning towards working with people in group homes, and considers herself a devotee of Jung, rather than Freud. (Though she is not so sure about Jung's ideas on dream interpretation.)

For this girl, majoring in psychology is serious business. I remember when she was in high school, and came to us for a weekend visit. I suspected that she was on her way towards this field, as she was reading a book about multiple personality disorder, and was totally engrossed with the subject. She deliberately transferred from one college to SUNY Buffalo, as they had a better psychology program than where she was at the time.

Now, lest you think that all psychology majors are boring, Skinner box experimenting geeks, think again. She is a sharp, caring individual, and the one thing that this major has given her is the ability to do an internship in a sort of residential psych facility. It gives her some real world experience, as well as, I would hope, remove any naiveties she may have regarding the real world. She also has a wicked sense of humor, as do her psych major peers. She told me that the undergrad psych association she belongs to have made t-shirts emblazoned with the following on the back of them:

"FREUD - IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S YOUR MOTHER."

I think that I will give her one of these when she graduates next year......(see below.)