Saturday, July 12, 2008

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!!! Snap out of it!!

Me: Thank you for calling, I can help you.
Customer: (crickets chirping.)
Me: Hello?
Customer: (quieter than a graveyard)
Me: Hello?
Customer: Hello?
Me: (Realizing this is not going to be good) Yes, hello, how can I help you?
Customer: Oh, This is John, I don't have a picture.
Me: (thinking of several comebacks, but holding my tongue.) Does your cable box still have the time on it?
Customer: My what?
Me: Your cable box.
Customer: What are you talking about?
Me: Your cable box. Your digital cable box.
Customer: Do I have one of those?
Me: (Wishing I had a little red button on the computer to send a shock to the customer at this point.) Are you in front of your TV now sir?
Customer: Huh?
Me: Are you in front of your TV?
Customer: No. Do I have to be?

This was a typical exchange, one that occurred last night. The level of common sense of some people just makes me wonder where the human race is actually headed these days. If you are calling about a problem with your cable, computer, refrigerator, what-have-you, don't you think it would be a good idea to actually be in front of the device that is causing you the problem? Why the hell did you call me in the first place.

Also, PAY ATTENTION WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU! If there is anything I hate more than the type of conversation above, it is when people call you, and then are taking care of 16 other things at the same time. If you called me, then talk to me, not someone else that is there, not your neighbor, and don't you dare put me on hold to answer your call waiting because I will drop you like 3rd period French. If you want my help, I'll be more than happy to help you, but just don't work against me.


Bollinger Byrd said...

That's the thing with children. They ignore you all day till you have the phone in your hand then they just have to speak to you immediatly. Drives me insane, never mind the person on the other end of the line.

Jay said...

'Drop you like 3rd period French'!! ROFL!!!

People, huh? Reminds me of all those computer tech support conversations - and the very accurate, if inelegant, acronym 'PEBKAC'.

Mr. Nighttime said...

BB - Thanks for stopping by. Oh, believe me, I think I have lost more hearing in my right ear from screaming children in my headset. Of course, as I am already 65% deaf in my left ear since I was a kid, eventually, I won't be able to hear these customers at all...Hmm, I wonder if I am on to something here?

Jay - 'PEBKAC'? You'll need to explain that one.

Mr. Nighttime said...

oh, btw, did the two of you play the video at the end of the post?

Jay said...

PEBCAK = Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard.

The video was great, but the sad part is that there really are people like that! Um .. both of them.. Plus Shaun the Sheep.

Mr. Nighttime said...

Jay - LOL, ok, yeah, I know that one, just never heard it via an acronym before. My SIL, and IT manager, just usually shakes her head and says, "Another user problem."

VioletSky said...

The video is great.
Now, if only your calls weren't monitored...

battlemaiden said...

I'm surrounded by idiots or mean people all day long. Boo. :(

Guyana-Gyal said...

We refuse to have call-waiting. If the phone is busy, it's busy. Call again later!

I had this friend, when I was living in Jamaica...when she called, we'd chat...and suddenly in mid-sentence she'd talk to someone else in her home...and she'd put me on hold...then she'd come back and I'd continue from where I left off, then she'd talk to someone else in her home.

It drove all her pals crazy!

Claudia said...

Thinking of you.............

Mr. Nighttime said...

Claudia - That explains the warm, fuzzy feeling I just had... ;-)

Peter said...

I'm pleased to noticed some cable companies still employ dedicated, real life staff.

When I lost my signal last year, I called my local cable company (on a 50c a minute toll line, which is common in Belgium). After an endless voice prompt menu ('press 8 if you can't hear this menu') I finally got through to the "tech assistance" dept. Boy, was I wrong:
a computerized voice requested my customer number, followed by a "our systems are now checking your connection". Five minutes later a very upbeat voice stated "We're sorry to inform you your line is not responding, please dial 900-etc", an even more expensive toll-line.

Customer service and Belgium: it's not a marriage made in heaven..