Friday, August 27, 2010

Change of place.

Tomorrow is the start of my move out. I have a new apartment that I'm sharing with a friend from work, but we won't be able to get into it until the 17th of next month. Until then, I'll be staying with a friend and his wife, who have been very gracious and offered to put me up. I'll be going to NYC next week for 4 or 5 days to see my family, as they are very concerned. It has all been so strange. Starting a new bank account, dealing with a lawyer that will mediate our separation, looking around at this house at the familiar, and knowing that it will no longer be so after tomorrow.

The emotional turmoil on both of us has been tremendous. If I could have left earlier, I would have, but circumstances dictated otherwise. The pain for both of us is excruciating, but we have been talking, communicating, and trying to do the best we can. We decided to spend a last night together, having dinner out and watching a movie in. We're not under any illusions here, but I think it will end things on a positive, rather than a negative note. She will be gone in the morning, as she can't bear to watch me leave, and I won't be able to stand to see her watch me.

I just want her nightmares to stop, and for both of us to stop hurting. Hopefully, this is the start of that process. I just want to stop crying every day.

5 comments:

Gaston Studio said...

Sending prayers for both of you.

Noura said...

I don't know what to tell you !! I wish I have your courage...

Lisa said...

I used to be in that place where I cried everyday under the same sort of circumstances. Eventually, it gets to be less emotional.

One day at a time.

gemmak said...

anything I say right now will only sound like platitudes but really, you will get to a place in your journey where you dont cry everyday and you will reach a place which feels like your new normality and is more comfortable. Sometimes I think it is better not to try and unravel the minutiae too soon, it confuses us further and given time we see why. *hugs*

Gel said...

I just commented without checking your archives and see why your life is changing. I'm sorry it's been a nightmare. Often is, unfortunately. Feeling sad and crying is devastating but healthy that you're getting it out. I so wish you (or anyone) did not feel like this. Glad friends and family are there for you.

Hugs from a new reader,
Gel