Yeah, but it's a dry heat..........

So, while I do hate my job, (see previous posts) it does have its moments of absolute absurdity. While not quite as absurd as the things as the things I encountered as a paramedic, it still makes for a good chuckle, or the occasional outright guffaw. The customers I serve come from the southwest, primarily in Arizona. (I support cable TV services)

Now, I have been to Arizona, as I have a friend that lives there. It can be starkly beautiful, but hellish is terms of daily temperatures (in the summer, at least) at the same time. It's no wonder then that the people that live there can be...uhm....oh, how do I put this......suffering from a bit of gray matter meltdown from time-to-time?

Cases in point:

This happened maybe about 2 months ago, and is a prime example of why you should always pay attention while talking on the phone;

ME : (Headset tone rings.) "Hello, thanks for calling, and how may I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "You found poop in your room?"

ME: (Burst of tremendous laughter. All professionalism goes out the window.)

The customer was talking to her four year-old daughter, as they just bought a new puppy, and it was not quite housebroken.

This other incident happened maybe a year ago, and definitely falls under the "too much information" category.

I was talking this woman through setting up her cable system to her new, big, flat screen HDTV along with her amplifier. Her roommate apparently had done a less than stellar job. Unfortunately, it was also in this large entertainment center, which made it unwieldy, and not very accessible in the rear, in order to hook up her cables and other wiring. It was a slow process for her, as she was less than technically inclined.

As we progressed, her frustration level increased, causing outbursts of greater venom directed at her currently absent roommate. I was thinking at the time that said roommate was due for a severe tongue lashing upon her arrival home, at the very least. The way this woman was talking though, I thoroughly expected her to become a story on the evening news.

Her frustration eventually reached the point of no return. While in reality, she wasn't doing badly under my precise direction, it was her trouble at navigating behind the entertainment center that was bothering her more than anything. Finally, in a burst of uncontrolled emotion, she blurted out, "Look, I'm a lesbian, but I'm not the butch in this relationship. I don't know how to do this shit!"

My tongue still bears the scars of my teeth, as I bit down very hard.

Still contorting herself behind the entertainment center, she then remarked to me, quite casually, "You would not believe the position I am in right now." Before I could put the brakes on my brain, I said, "I'm sorry, but I can't discuss your sex life on a service call."

We both burst out laughing. (We actually had been laughing at a lot of this, and had developed a good rapport, despite her being pissed at her roommate/lover.) My brain then kicked into gear, and I thought "Oh shit, I hope they're not monitoring this call."

I waited for the dreaded call from my shift supervisor, contemplating my employment options, but thankfully, no one was listening on this one. I did tell another supervisor (that is an actual human being, mind you) about this call, and he burst out laughing. He told me I had a set of brass balls, and that he never would have had the guts to do something like that. He asked if I ever did anything that nuts as a paramedic.

I looked at him and said, "You have no idea."

They're a funny lot out there in Arizona.........